This particular
bucket of fun has a recommended max resolution of 300dpi, due to the bitmapped elements of the PDF. If you want a bigger version, mail me, and I'll render one up!

Trust me...
It prints much better than it looks onscreen. (Bloody Acrobat....)		KISS all your troubles goodbye! DamnitolTM, the new wonder drug from Gorko Technologies, promises to alleviate dozens of the most common everyday aches, pains, and annoyances, including:

  • Coughs
  • Sneezes
  • Wild Beaver Attacks
  • Morton's Toe
  • Headaches
  • Big Headaches
  • Shoulder Cramps
  • Menstrual Cramps
  • Tongue Cramps
  • Nostril Cramps
  • Wild Beaver Attacks
  • Ingrown Toenails
  • Outgoing Toenails
  • Inflamed Eyelashes
  • Taxes
  • Bitmap Printer Output
  • Fatigue
  • Creativity
  • Depression
  • Undue Happiness
  • Pain in the Third Vertebrae from the Bottom
  • and Wild Beaver Attacks

NOTE: The graphic below is in PNG format, a wonderful new format which combines the best characteristics of JPEG and GIF and which nobody uses because all web designers are wimps :-). If it doesn't show up in your browser, then your browser doth bite. Go get the latest version of either Netscape, Internet Explorer, or, best of all, iCab.


damnitol poster thumbnail

Click here to get a scalable, printable, sickeningly detailed PDF version.


Damnitol's patented formula virtually eliminates all these problems because it blocks all sensory input! Not only that, but it blocks almost all outgoing neural impulses as well, leaving you in a warm, fuzzy, drug-induced stupor from which not even a nuclear detonation can awaken you! It's like spending 8 to 12 hours in a giant, lead-lined sponge! Of course, Gorko Technologies cannot be held responsible if you misuse our product. We've found in lab tests that many uninformed Damnitol users make the mistake of trying to actually ingest Damnitol. This is not recommended. The correct way to enjoy the great relief of Damnitol is to have someone bludgeon you repeatedly with the bottle until you slip into a state of painless, unconscious bliss. For industrial-strength pain, try new 24-pound Damnitol. It's made from old, melted-down iron ingots and promises to obliterate even the most persistant unpleasant (or pleasant!) sensations. Damnitol is available exclusively at your neighborhood Al's Drug Bonanza. Give Damnitol a try! You'll never know what hit you!

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